Listening to: Jason Mraz - Make It Mine
Brad and Shannon came over to this neck of the woods this past weekend to celebrate Josie's birthday as well as get some drink on. The plan, in essence, should have happened and executed properly without a hitch. Little did we know that the word "hitch" is synonymous with "The Club" line of mixed drinks.
We all had a can of "The Club" before we had cans of Miller High Life: The Champagne of Beer. Now, Brad and Shannon had warned us beforehand of the complete and utter disgusting taste of The Club line of drinks, but it's like telling someone to not look at something. They'll wake up from a coma just to see what you were referring to even though you were told "don't look". We each bought a can. From my experience with this one can of The Club, I have formulated the following set of rules that should now apply to everyone's lives:
It was rancid. I felt like someone had just squeezed out a towel of bile into a can and called it a Long Island Iced Tea. If you were from Long Island, this drink would make you hang yourself. If I hated you, I'd buy you a can of The Club. Now, the problem went far beyond the terrible taste of the drink. It was how it slowly released its poison into your bloodstream. I don't even remember having this bad a time with Bacardi 151.
Please refer to the following chart that pinpoints the nausea levels of myself and Josie over a span of 24 hours (click to enlarge):
I felt like I was dying. I've been fighting this hangover all day. Josie has just been progressively getting worse throughout the day. I feel like the infected in 28 Days Later, but instead of "rage" I just want to pull my insides out and rinse it with a shower of Arm & Hammer Baking Soda. So, I guess it's nothing like that movie, but it's a terrible feeling.
I haven't felt this bad in ages.
I will never have another can of The Club again. If you want military secrets, torture someone with a can of The Club. You could easily file a divorce with one of these things.
In better news, I got this screen at the end of completing all the 50cc courses in Mario Kart Wii with Brad and Shannon. It does little to help me feel any better physically, but I wanted to end with something that makes me happier than incredibly sad.
Seriously! Look! Look at how huge they made my crotch look in that photo! It's like someone went and... oh my God... it looks like someone sneaked in a can of The Club into my pants!
Curse you! Curse you and this full circle!